12:28 AM

12:28 AM. Here I am, July 26, 2021 writing a blog post.

Tomorrow we ship my car. Then it is my birthday. This last week I am visiting with the last bits of family and friends and trying to make the most of my time here. This is a lot. Since I stopped work the anxiety has ran high everyday because I am so overwhelmed.... I am ready to get back to a routine and some kind of normal.

Today I was struggling. I was tired, fell back asleep after eating and getting up for like an hour and a half. Sometimes I still try to read and do everything I can but I hear the sweet small voice of the Lord say something along the lines of, "Its okay, just lay down and go to sleep. Shhhh, I got this" or "Just lay back and fix your eyes back on Me" in the case of tonight. I was overwhelmed, stacks of things everywhere and life was too much. I never in a million years thought that moving across the country would be this much stress, work, money haha. Thought I would get in the car or on a plane like in the movies and that's it, nope.

Tonight I was kind of losing it and the Holy Spirit was so gracious to refocus and encourage me. He reminded me of how everything is paid for and that all of this was because of the Lord and for Him. I realized that every single thing I was doing, even the aggravation of packing and changing flights and rushing to ship my car was all as a sacrifice for the Lord. And it humbled me, I was honored that He would allow me to offer sacrifices like this.

He was also so kind to remind me that His grace is abundant and that because I made one mistake, the whole world was not going to fall apart. I was struggling with something today and I did not respond well to all the feelings inside me. Instead of the Lord just standing over me with a torch and sword, He just reminded me that I was stressed, my self-control guard was down and that it was okay. Now that was not an excuse for my actions but He saw my sincerity in my repentance and that it was not my heart to do such a thing and He honored that with peace and grace. That's what He loves doing, saving and healing and pouring out love and grace. We should be the same.

So I learned some lessons today. God's grace is good and sufficient and more than we ever deserve. The struggle is real but His love and might is realer. His presence is so lovely, a relationship with Holy Spirit changes the whole ball game. And I am so loved by my family and friends who care about my mental health to tell me to go to bed and rest, check on your people guys.